I have been working on some stuff for Mother’s Day and came across a collection of Mother’s Day sayings that may be useful to some that are putting together the final touches on what they will be speaking about in their local church on this famous day. For the last couple of years I haven’t spoken on Mother’s Day so I have a collection of stuff that I have kept in a file, that I began to go through this week, and I found some of it to be quite funny and some of it to be more serious. I am sure you have seen some of these so they are not original with me. Enjoy!
THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ……….
> My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”
> My mother taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
> My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:” If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
> My mother taught me LOGIC:” Because I said so, that’s why.”
> My mother taught me FORESIGHT:” Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
> My mother taught me IRONY:” Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
> My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
> My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
> My mother taught me about WEATHER:” It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
> My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t Exaggerate!!!”
> My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
> My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: “Stop acting like your father!”
What NOT to Buy Your Wife on Mother’s Day:
1. Don’t buy anything that plugs in. Anything that requires electricity is seen as utilitarian.
2. Don’t buy clothing that involves sizes. The chances are one in seven thousand that you will get her size right, and your wife will be offended the other 6999 times. “Do I look like a size 16?” she’ll say. Too small a size doesn’t cut it either: “I haven’t worn a size 8 in 20 years!”
3. Avoid all things useful. The new silver polish advertised to save hundreds of hours is not going to win you any brownie points.
4. Don’t buy anything that involves weight loss or self-improvement. She’ll perceive a six-month membership to a diet center as a suggestion that’s she’s overweight.
5. Don’t buy jewelry. The jewelry your wife wants, you can’t afford. And the jewelry you can afford, she doesn’t want.
6. Finally, don’t spend too much. “How do you think we’re going to afford that?” she’ll ask. But don’t spend too little. She won’t say anything, but she’ll think, “Is that all I’m worth?”
Don’t aim at just being a “STRONG WOMAN“ be a “WOMAN OF STRENGTH“!
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape … but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape…
A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything … but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear…
A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her … but a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone…
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future… a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them…
A strong woman walks sure footedly… but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls…
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face… but a woman of strength wears grace…
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey… but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong…
